Gary L. Simmons  rev 06/02/04  http://webwonks.org/Marathon/HellHole2.html
Home  Marathon  Joke OT Weak  Web Building  Resumé  Lynx  Hobbies  Extra  Site Map Links Page Extra Go to next department

The Battle Cat's Litterbox

Hell Hole V1.2

By: Gary L. Simmons
the Battle Cat

Bone splinters in the throat of your sanity

Time to send the spacesuit to the cleaners again
Fresh blood for the blood trough

OK, now I got the hang of using the map editors. I get a little better with my monster selection. The idea is to have a level that will let you play a new game each time you start a new game. The weapons and the items and the monsters all appear in random locations. Hell Hole was always meant to be more than just a practice level, it was supposed to be a help to people wanting to test a physics model or a shapes patch. All the weapons are represented here and most of the monsters.

The high-pitched, incessantly whining users nag the

  crusty snot out of me so here is what has changed... now go gargle blood and die. I added a return elevator to the North side. Many of the aliens hang out and fight each other in the Mosh Pit, fixed it so they are more evenly distributed over the map, now they don't hang out in the pit, and using some reverse perverted logic made the Mosh Pit an actual pit even though it is not a mosh pit anymore. Added a Hunter. Converted 4 Major Projectile Fighters into Major Fighters, making the map a bit faster. Made the outside corridor 1/2 world unit wider by stealing room from the Blood Trough


How to Look Combat Fresh and "Marathon Cool":

These instructions will guide you to the perfect look of having just been in serious combat and are fresh from the killing fields.

  • Mess your hair up with a weed whacker then light off a cherry
  • bomb on top of your head.
  • Smudge your arms, face and neck with lit charcoal.
  • Rip your face and clothes with a hand held piece of barb wire.
  • Chew on a short, fat, unlit cigar butt. Remember to spit little pieces of it when you bellow orders.
  • Break your nose with a brick, let it set laying on it's side.
  • Set your pant leg on fire, put it out with a fire ax.
  • Crawl on your belly through a muddy, croc infested marsh with your zipper down.
  • Jump out of the back of a pickup truck at 25 mph while holding a big armfull of bottles, cow brains, and 16d framing nails.
  • Jam a 6 inch long jagged shard of rusty pig iron into your butt cheek leaving several inches protruding and tape a lit cigarette underneath it so it looks like it is shrapnel that is still smoking.
  • Steal a body from the morgue and sling it over your shoulder. A cool effect would be to pump a few rounds into it first. At this point hitting vital organs is not importent. Hey, he/she/it is dead... come on, give it a rest...... AW HELL, go for it!!
  • Hold a chicken over your head and cut it's head off letting it drain over you. The chicken will complain about this so get it drunk first. An animal rights activist may complain about _that_ so let the chicken go and hold the animal rights activist over your head and cut HIS head off. This will also save you the trouble of stealing a body from the morgue.
  • Pack heat. Something really needlessly big bore. Crisscross bandoleers of ammo for it over your shoulders.
  • Remember to grimace and flinch and twitch a lot. When speaking, jabber as loud and as fast as possible and try to wave your arms around a lot.
  • Look in a full length mirror, adjust the corpse if needed, check to see if your butt shrapnel is still smoking.

Now go out to that social function, job interview or net game. You will impress the hell out of everyone.



YOW!

Out on furlough for "good behavior while muzzled and chained to a wall in solitary confinement" is our resident cartoonist, Erkki Toukolehto (alias: Ice Felon X Dog Pak). Mr. Ice Pak has produced a graphical guide book for the only known fashion tips ever distributed by the irascible Battle Cat. You will quickly notice that these cartoons are probably the most stupid, immature, disgusting, adolescent, cruel and violent cartoons you have seen in a long time. My kind of cartoon Charlie! Now if only they were demeaning toward women he would have perfection. Give him more time (unlike the parole board) and he will get it right. Enjoy if you will these visual aids courtesy of the Battle Cat. Yes me boyo, you just got aids from the Battle Cat. People, you MUST wear a condom while viewing these graphics! Girls, these graphics are compatible with the Barbie Fashion Plate Paper Dolls Set available in most department stores. Just print 'em and clip 'em out and you will have Barbi or Skipper looking Marathon cool in no time! Course it will help if you wad her up and bap her with a ball ping hammer, light her on fire and blow a couple holes in her first. Well it looks like Erkki is hacking the electronic house arrest leg cuff that is locked around his ankle so, with no further warning and for your advanced education in the glamourous, fast paced world of high fashion...

IMPORTANT - To best view these pages you must have JavaScript enabled in your browser preferences. If you do not, or cannot enable JavaScript in your browser then click on the "*" link beneath the Fashion Tip link to view the guide book pages.

Erkki's Marathon-Cool fashion tips guide book! 

Marathon-Cool Fashion Tips Cover Page
*

Marathon-Cool Fashion Tips Guide Book page 1
*

Marathon-Cool Fashion Tips Guide Book page 2
*

Marathon-Cool Fashion Tips Guide Book page 3
*

Marathon-Cool Fashion Tips Guide Book page 4
*


Version 1.2 (16K)

 Skully says EAT ME

Download Hell Hole Version 1.2

Top of page

Back to the Litterbox