Gary L. Simmons  rev 03/31/2003  http://webwonks.org/Archives/2002/Mar2003.html
Home Marathon Joke OT Weak Web Building Resumé Lynx Hobbies Extra Site Map Marathon Site Map Go to next department

Back to the news archives
Back to the home page

Archived News for the Month of March 2003

New this Week:

3-31: Unlike the amazing success of the 3rd Marine Division in Iraq, it looks like a week of small losses and gains for Team SETI, due to a shortened week of computations caused by a system failure. I blame Norton Disk Doctor's butchering of OSX, OSX owners out there... be forewarned! Anyway we only crunched 12 units this week resulting in 4 people getting ahead of us in the standings. We know who you are your 4 guys! We are going to hunt you down and gut you next week! Still, we bettered our average CPU time and climbed in completing more units than the other users by .017%. So that is something anyway. Next week will be a full week of processing. Check it out in the Hobbies department.

3-28: What has swollen hands, a red face and a sweaty butt? YOU after you play Halo for 7 hours straight. You say you don't have Halo or a buddy with Halo to LAN with? No problem, you can have a sweaty butt thanks to Forerunners.org. Forerunners (co-owned by me) is happy to announce the giveaway of a new unopened copy of Halo for your Xbox, one of the first issued as a matter of fact. The sign up ends on March 31 at midnight so you better get a move on! Hoard it with your bullets, duct tape and plastic or use it to bribe someone to be your pathetic friend. Assuage that serious facial twitch you've developed over the years by driving over your little brother in a Warthog! Membership in Forerunners is free but you DON'T have to be a member to sign up for the Halo giveaway. Head over to THE GIVEAWAYS PAGE and get yourself some loot. Next time you think of sweaty butts, think of Forerunners.

3-27: In honor of Operation Iraqi, the second largest coalition of nations in world history, and its fight for the freedom of the Iraqi people against a brutal, tyrannical dictator; the House of Wacks unveils it's newest taste sensation, Gary's Shock and Awe Thai Chili Sauce. Although chemical weapons are outlawed by the Geneva Convention, Gary's Shock and Awe Thai Chili sauce fall into that legal gray-area between "weapon of mass destruction" and" toxic waste". So be careful how you use this stuff, you cannot shoot it out of a cannon without being a war criminal and you cannot flush it down your toilet without a Hasmat permit but you can sure as heck eat it. Check it out on the Recipes page of the Chili Pepper section of the Hobbies department.

3-26: WOW! This week the House of Wacks has exceeded 200 thousand visitors! The hits are in the hundreds of millions. The House of Wacks wants to take this opportunity to thank you all for haunting this corner of the Internet. Gee, hehe what were all you people doing here anyway? Click on the wrong button or link? Laid off and tired of watching Jerry Springer? .....Criminy 200,000 people either were totally lost and found themselves washed up on the shores of the House of Wacks or have no life to speak of. Maybe you are stalkers maybe maybe. heh heh... gulp... That's sort of scary actually. Hey... you guys are starting to scare me. GO AWAY! GO AWAY!!

3-25: SETI@Home is back up and Team SETI was finally able to download it's stats however exasperating the situation is Norton Utilities, specifically Disk Doctor which has thrashed OSX. This week and next weeks stats are going to be pretty weak as Team SETI cannot crunch more units until OSX is restored. Meanwhile despite this setback we have still dropped our average CPU time per work unit to under 10 hours and we have still jumped ahead of 306 startled data crunchers. It's all going on in the Hobbies department.

3-24: SETI@Home is down today as they are undergoing major electrical work. I will get my results from them later today hopefully and display them tomorrow. For now enjoy the month of French Bashing at the Joke of the Weak. If you have any French bashing jokes of your own then send em in and I'll put them up.

3-21: The NRA Archives is updated today. This contains the contents of the monthly articles: Armed Citizen, Standing Guard, and The President's Column. You can access that from the above link or from the NRA page in the Extra department. These articles are packed with valuable information of interest to those of us who value the 2nd amendment of the constitution in particular and the Bill of Rights as a whole.

3-20: I like to rip myself off. Many times when I needed a graphic for something I would take elements from preexisting work and blend them together. It works great and I've yet to sue myself for plagiarism although I'm tempted cause I could use the money to buy a lawyer cause I'm alla time trying to sue myself. See what I'm talking about on the Contemporary Art page in the Art Portfolio section of the Hobbies department.

3-19: Charlton Heston honors the passing of Medal of Honor winner General Joe Foss, one of the most successful American flying aces in history. As part of his lifetime of defending freedom and liberty he fulfilled two terms as the youngest governor of South Dakota, built South Dakota's Air National Guard, and he held the office of NRA president. Read a short biography of this war hero in the President's Column over in the NRA section of the Extra department.

3-18: I received an e-mail last week from a Web Building user asking how to position a JavaScript popup window on a page. That was a great question so I did the research and I added a section to the Popup Window tutorial that covers several techniques of positioning a window wherever you want it. If you are a JavaScript guy, this is some good stuff. Look for the "New" logo animation on that page.

3-17: Top O thee marnin' ta ya! Happy St. Patrick's Day ta all me Irish brethren anna ta those less fortunate O ye too. In local news, Team Seti has crunched another impressive 18 units last week leap frogging us over the startled heads of 399 slower users. Hie thee to the Hobbies department and check out the computational carnage.

3-14: In a timely e-mail I received a link to a new seed company with a large inventory devoted to chili peppers. If you order now you will have time to plant seeds from this company for the coming season. Look in the Obtaining the Seeds part of the Gardening page in the Chili Pepper section of the Hobbies Department. Or don't. You don't have to. But I'll be checkin' up on ya.

3-13: Lastly in the Chili Pepper section of the Hobbies department, the Chili Pepper index page is equiped with a jump menu. With all these jump menus, this is one hoppin' section. One smokin' hoppin' section!

3-12: What has happened in Canada is proof positive that licensing and registration - in any guise- is an evil concept. Read the facts about Canada's 49,000-percent cost overrun trying to foist gun registration on it's law abiding citizens while at the same time aiding and abetting the criminal element. Check it out in the Standing Guard article in the NRA section of the Extra department.

3-11: The Chili Facts page gets a jump menu and that's a fact you can light on fire and pop into your mouth! Get onboard and get your head straight on the Chili Facts in the Chili Peppers section of the Hobbies Department.

3-10: Team SETI ground their boots into the faces of 392 hapless competitors as we leaped ahead by .017 of a percent in the standings this week by crunching 18 units at an average of 7 hours and 18 minutes a unit. In all Team SETI has crunched more data than 97.261% of the SETI contributors! This little ol' Mac!! Give it a gander at the SETI Page in the Hobbies department.

3-7: The Chili Pepper section in the Hobbies department gets a new jump menu on the Gardening page. Ordinarily jumping around in my garden will earn you a load of rock salt in your trespassing butt, however in this instance I can over look it and let you hop around all you want. Call me the "kinder-gentler" crazed maniac. While you are in the garden try not to step in the manure... actually, I could say that for ANY page of the House of Wacks!

3-6: You don't spit into the wind, you don't tug on Superman's cape and you don't shoot an armed citizen... especially if he is a U.S. Marine! Read all about this car jackers last folly on the Armed Citizen page in the NRA section of the Extra department.

3-5: I've found a bunch of old computer art I did. Todays offering goes into the Contemporary Art section of the Art Portfolio page. It is a graphical Halloween border meant to be printed then loaded into the printer again to have a word processor dump a page a print between the borders. It's fun and easy, even a chimp like me can do it. It's all happening on the Hobbies page.

3-4: A jump menu has been added to the Humor page in the Chili Pepper section of the Hobbies department. I know, "Humor page", you are expecting a joke here. I'll have my people contact your people when I come up with one, meanwhile you'll have to settle for what's currently on the Humor page.

3-3: I slept through 03:03 03/03/03, bet you did too. Anyway, Team SETI is not looking so great this week due to down time for maintenance and CPU time stolen for other projects. Only 15 units were processed and we only jumped ahead of 185 people in the standings this week. We hardly kicked butt at all. Read the dismal results of a week gone awry in the Hobbies department.


As usual, the Joke of the Weak is updated every weekday by 8AM PST and the SETI page is updated every Monday. The NRA pages President's Column, Standing Guard and Armed Citizen are updated each month.

Print the United States Flag on 8X11 Paper

Top of Page

Back to the news archives
Back to the home page