Gary L. Simmons  rev 01/31/2002
Home Marathon Joke OT Weak Web Building Resumé Lynx Hobbies Extra Site Map Marathon Site Map Go to next department

Back to the news archives
Back to the home page

Archived News for the Month of January 2002

New this Week:

01-31: Since the days of big hairy hats sporting pointy horns, long ships manned by smelly blondes, and the Hoary Hosts of Hoggoth this modern religion shattering relic has lain frozen beneath the icy northern wastes. Live the controversy at the Adolescent Art page of the Art Portfolio section in the Hobbies department. Look for "Thor's Hammer".

01-29: I was wandering through the Hamish Halls of Horror the other day and as I paused before the jar of napalm that preserves the remains of Hamish Sanderson's exploded head, I noticed a line in the wall behind the showcase. There was a glimmer of a light from behind the crack so I pried at it with my combat knife. To my surprise, a secret panel opened and a document fell out! It was a missing tutorial on CLUTs by the man himself! I immediately translated it from its native Scottish gibberish (minus the profuse swearing, odes to whiskey, and lengthy apocalyptic prophesies) and have added it to my collection of Hamish's rantings for those seekers of Anvil Truth. Look in the Marathon department for Anvil Tips, follow that to "Hamish Sanderson's EditNotes" and from there click on "Clut Notes". If you can't find it, then you don't have enough wattage to even try to read it.

01-28: The SETI page in the Hobbies department get updated. There are still no little green men discovered yet but if there are, I'll be the first to know and you can bet your bippy I'll introduce you to them.

01-25: OW! (ok ok ok I'll tell them m'love) Today marks our 21st wedding anniversary... sort of like a life sentence with time added for an attempted escape. OW! (stop pulling on my ear!!) I mean, sort of like life in heaven with an angel. Today I will languish in my wife's arms... much like a bleeding pig struggling in the arms of a starving grizzly. OWWOW! (hey I have to walk on that foot! criminy.) Man... love hurts!

01-24: The Web Building page gets an html fix. If you haven't checked that department out yet and you are thinking about starting a web site, then you are really mission out. According to Urchin, my web reporting utility, Web Building is my most popular department! Check it out.

01-21: The SETI page in the Hobbies department get updated today. I moved up a little in the ranking where it depicts the percentage of units crunched as opposed to others in the project. I'm up in the 97 percentile range.

01-18: I have upped an old greeting card I made in MacPaint. For me it is nostalgic, for you it is black and white bit mapped boredom as you sit watching slides of someone else's vacation. Anyway, it is happening on the Contemporary page of the Art Portfolio section in the Hobbies department.

01-16: What happens when Greg Kirkpatrick (of Bungie and Double Aught fame) meets the Battle Cat on a newsgroup message board? Carnage ensues! Watch with disgust and horror as these two Titans of Trouble battle it out as "Geiger" Aliens taking down, with malice, any of the bystanders that had the woeful misfortune to be trapped in the maelstrom of vicious verbal blows that were traded. It is all happening on the Related Humor page of the Marathon department. Look for "Kirkpatrick at A.G.M".

01-14: Surfs up! Grab your boards and drive your woodies over to the Art Portfolio page then paddle out to the High School Art section and look for "Wipeout" at the top of the page. It's all happening in the Hobbies department today. OUTSIDE!!

01-11: The desperate and destitute for ideas anti gun rights nuts are trying to cash in on the terror and tragedy of 9/11 while at the same time instructing al Qaeda on a great place to snipe at the White House with a 50 caliber sniper gun. Go read the about the latest weirdness of the political left at the President's Column in the NRA section of the Extra department.

01-10: Another stationary border goes up on the Contemporary Art page of the Art Portfolio in the Hobbies department. This is a cheery seasonal graphic suitable for Christmas and winter mailings. Check it out.

01-09: The Related Humor section of the Marathon department features a traditional Christmas gag that has been going on for about 7 years. The 3 step evolution of the gag is showcased, and as a special treat, a cartoonist by the name of Benjamin 'Rincewind' Riley has created a 2 page graphic depicting the more current incarnation of the gag. A tip O the House of Wacks hat to Benjamin! Look for the "Christmas Aboard the Marathon" link on the left.

01-08: The SETI page over in the Hobbies department has been archived. The results for the year 2001 as well as the year 2000 are available for download. Be the first on your block to ask, "Now why the hell did I download that??"

01-07: The Standing Guard section of the NRA page in the Extra department is updated for this month's rant by Wayne LaPierre, the Vice President of the NRA. Guess what? Now they want to take BB guns away from kids! Liberals are the wannabe Grinchs who stole CHILDHOOD!! Read all about this sad state of affairs.

01-04: Half Dome Vs Whole Dome. You have to see this to believe it. Can you guess which unyielding mass is granite block and which is block head? Try your luck on the Photo Album in the Extra department. Look for age 49 down at the bottom. (Criminy, only 4 days into the year and already I'm older!)

01-03: The Armed Citizen section of the NRA page in the Extra department gets updated today with 8 great reasons why law abiding American citizens should continue to enjoy the blessings of the Second Amendment.

01-02: If you were having trouble downloading the Joke of the Weak archives for 2000 and 2001 then you will find the problem gone today. The archives are stored on Apples servers and they were having a bad day yesterday. 2 years worth of jokes is a worthwhile download. If you can't find the archives, go to the Joke of the Weak page, look on the left and scroll down to the bottom on the left.

01-01: HAPPY NEW YEAR!! Hey, the entire year of the Joke of the Weak for the years 2000 and 2001 has been archived for download. You can run it on your desktop while offline. Check it out!

As usual, the Joke of the Weak is updated every weekday by 8AM PST and the SETI page is updated every Monday. The NRA pages President's Column, Standing Guard and Armed Citizen are updated each month.

Print the United States Flag on 8X11 Paper

Top of Page
Back to the news archives
Back to the home page