Gary L. Simmons  rev 10/31/2001
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Archived News for the Month of October 2001

New this Week:

10-31: Happy Halloween! Here's hoping you mistakenly chow down on that Exlax you replaced the Hershey's with. In less happy news; a web site I helped found, has gone off line. Here is our official statement: --"The Evihcra Public Archive Network is experiencing difficulties that has resulted in a temporary loss of service. We apologize for any inconvenience this may be causing our users but this is as temporary as it is unavoidable. Please be patient and we will be back online as soon as possible."-- Today (and for the duration) I am changing over my Marathon map links from to

10-30: As promised the first of the Art Portfolio pages in the Hobbies department is updated with JavaScript pop up windows that display the art. Check out the Contemporary Art page, click the slick new links, and marvel alongside me at the magic of JavaScript, the Internet, and that little button on your mouse. If you have any problems viewing the graphics, then let me know. K?

10-29: The photo of me above was taken Halloween night 1989. I was right in the doorway and we took candy off of that plate in front of my head and gave it to the kids. It was a big hit plus I made some small children cry which always cheers me up. New to the House of Wacks is a revamp of the Art Portfolio page, it has been broken up into 4 different pages plus an index page. I will spend all this week adding JavaScript to the links of the art pages (just like I did to the Photo Album) so it should display much more professionally.

10:26: On Monday, I introduced the new look to the photos on my Photo Album page. The new look was created from applying some of the things I had learned producing a JavaScript Popup Window tutorial. In producing that new look on the Photo Album page, I learned some more JavaScript and by gum, that is going into the JavaScript Popup Window tutorial over on the Web Building page. Will it never stop!?!? If you are the adventurous sort, mosey on over and look at the "Hey, Close That Window!" and "Creating ad hoc pages and filling them with HTML" portions of the tutorials.

10-25: There is a new film up on the Weird Science portion of the Battle Cat's Marathon page. Marvel at the only known defense to the classic SPNKR suicide! I wouldn't have believed it if I didn't see it myself and because I realize your trust in me is strained to the max, I offer it up for you to scope on with your own two eyes. Look for "Weird Science 22" down at the bottom of that page. Also, while installing this film, I realized that films 20 and 21 had broken links! Sorry about that, they are fixed now.

10-24: If you have been following the House of Wacks for a while you have been aware of my SETI at home project involvement. SETI is the "Search for Extra Terrestrial Intelligence", a radio telescope search of the skies for electromagnetic waves that would denote intelligence. I'm helping to crunch the numbers with my computer. The scan of this planet was a bust but I still have hopes that intelligence might be found on some other planet, one without TV networks dominated by Hollywood liberals. Anyway, I have passed the 2 year mark this week. You can view all the stats and learn how you can help too on the SETI page over in the Hobbies department.

10-23: Last week I uploaded a new HyperCard stack called "Add LP Time". It has worked well for me as a quick and dirty utility but I took a hard look at it and realized that it was pretty pathetic as a public release. No error checking, no HyperCard standards, poor data entry interface and no amenities. I put a little more time into it and have up loaded a new version. Check out Version 1.1 on the HyperCard page of the Extra Department.

10-22: The Photo Album page over in the Extra department gets a drastic make over, sort of like Phyllis Diller got in the 70's only unlike hers, this one took! You won't notice anything until you click on a photo link then instead of a generic browser display of a graphic, you get a fancy dancy JavaScript created page with all the conviences of modern science. Now if I could only get some decent photos to display because, as it is, it's just like putting an ugly chick into expensive lingerie.

10-19: The Mill, in conjunction with a web site I help run,, is sponsoring a Myth related desktop image contest from Friday October 19th to midnight Sunday October 28th. Do you have a cool original graphic that is dying to get out and meet people? Now is your chance to give your creation its 15 minutes of fame and to be seen by thousands of gamers, some of them naked! Four winners will each receive a Myth game, their choice of either "Myth2 Worlds" or "Green Berets" and everybody else will be put to death and their heads mounted on a pike... wait, did I read that right? Maybe you had better go over to the sign up page and read all the rules for yourself: Get crackin'!!

10-18: I have posted a quick and dirty time addition utility in the HyperCard page of the Extra department. The name of it is "Add LP Time". I spared no expense on that name folks. Hopefully I will have time later to gussy it up some but for now it is bare bones but accurate. If you are putting LPs to CD then you will find it to be handy for adding up the minutes and seconds of the tracks, that's what I use it for.

10-17: Again in the Hobbies department, there is a new priceless work of art. At this stage in my artistic development I have finally reached the stage that Stone Age cave dwellers had reached back when they discovered the outline of their left hand and nobody had to bomb me there! It is all happening in the High School section of the Art Portfolio page.

10-16: Remember your mouth as it is right now. Write a little ode to it's comfortable, happy, carefree existence. Take a picture of your tongue and put it under your pillow for the Tongue Fairy. Put a little memorial marker on your lips (leave room for posting the hazmat sign later) and then go to the Broccoli with Cashews & Chili recipe on the Recipes page of the Chili Pepper section in the Hobbies department.

10-15: The Information section of the Lynx page gets an update. New is the "E-mail Congress" link that you can use to contact your elected federal representatives. This is a pretty slick setup, you should at least check it out. Got something on your mind? Take advantage of technology and your first amendment right as am American citizen to express your concerns to your government.

10-12: There is a new tutorial up on the Web Building page. This one is about using JavaScript to create and control "popup" browser windows. There is a lot of good information in this tutorial, giving you a lot of control and power but best of all it is really really easy to do.

10-11: Whether they are blind, crippled, or crazy - fat, dumb or lazy they all seem to all agree on one thing: I am the ultimate gift to womankind. I could be bragging but you should get a look at the adoring face of this chick and you will realize that I'm actually being quite modest. Check out my photo at 47 years of age on the Photo Album page over in the Extra department.

10-10: My Thai chili crop is ripening now! These are my favorite tasting chili peppers, and I have been looking forward to this all summer. I have been eating the faster ripening Bird Mouth chilies as well as dried Habaneros and dried then roasted Thai chilies from last years harvest this summer. Now mmmmmmm... fresh Thai chilies... :: Homer Simpson drool:: I have included a scanner photo of some of these freshly harvested Thai chilies (to replace the simple "generic" photo I downloaded from the Internet) on the Chili Pepper Page in the Hobbies section. Check it out.

10-9: If you look at the effect of the so-called "campaign finance reforms", and you'll see their real purpose: to insulate incumbent politicians from election challenges, to institutionalize the status quo, to usurp the power of "we the people" and give it over to the media and political elites. This and more from the President of the NRA, Mr. Charlton Heston. Check it out on the President's Column at the NRA page in the Extra department.

10-8: Payback has started. The Taliban is reported to have said, "We will fight to the last breath" to which the House of Wacks replies, "OK". After all, when I was in the Marines, we typically stopped shooting bullets into enemy personnel after they stopped breathing (in most cases) so it looks like the Taliban and the Coalition Forces are for once in complete accord as to how this operation will progress.

10-5: Wayne LaPierre, the Executive Vice President of the NRA steps up to bat with his hard hitting "Standing Guard" column in the NRA section of the Extra department. Mr. LaPierre talks about the benefits of Americans pooling their resources to achieve a common goal. A good read and, even if it sounds a tad like class warfare, a careful read determines it isn't. Nothing wrong with being rich.

10-4: Old age, like a high velocity trout to the side of the head, bitch slaps me back to reality once again and like a festering blister raises it's ugly, red, pus filled-head on my Photo Album page in the form of yet another disgusting photo of a bone creaking, waddle sprouting curmudgeon futilely clinging to his youth. View age 46 in the Extra department if you dare!

10-3: The Weird Science department of the Battle Cat's Marathon Page gets an update! 2 new films, numbers 20 and 21 have been added to an already impressive line up. Marvel at the newest theory behind Cyborg levitation and witness (at your own peril) the incredibly painful micro-teleportation effect! If you survive, TELL YOUR FRIENDS to have a look, then simper like an idiot as they fall to the floor writhing in unspeakable empathic agony.

10-2: Studies indicate that firearms are used more than 2 million times a year for personal protection, and that the presence of a firearm, without a shot being fired, prevents crime in many instances. See how your fellow citizens stand up against criminal terrorism by exercising their 2nd Amendment right on the Armed Citizen section in the NRA department of the Extra section.

10-01: Man... lets hope this month is better than the last month.

As usual, the Joke of the Weak is updated every weekday by 8AM PST and the SETI page is updated every Monday. The NRA pages President's Column, Standing Guard and Armed Citizen are updated each month.

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