Gary L. Simmons  rev 11/30/2001  http://webwonks.org/Archives/2001/Nov2001.html
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Archived News for the Month of November 2001


New this Week:

11-28: Sorry, nothing much interesting happening. I am cleaning up some code and correcting small errors I have found throughout the site. Not much of an update but it did suck up all the time I had today to work on the House of Wacks. Go read the Joke of the Weak.

11-27: My slice of the SETI@home project has crunched just over 888 units putting me up there as having done more work than 97 percent of the other bums helping out in the project! SETI@home is the worlds largest distributed programming project. SETI is the Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence, but if you ask me they should have finished the search on Earth first. We sure could benefit by finding some intelligence here, send them to Congress or ask them why pie are squared instead of cornbread. Anyway you can help crunch data, go to the SETI page in the Hobbies department and read all the details.

11-26: Didn't catch nuttin'. Hey, I put in a JavaScript pop up window for the MacAddict Screen Shot of the Month link on the Hell Hole V1.2 page over in the Marathon department. Go there and revel in the glory of me.

11-23: Gone Fishin'.

11-22: Happy Thanksgiving! Poor ol' Thanksgiving never had a song written for it. Most other major holidays have a song but somehow this one just got the short end of the stick. Well I'm here to rectify that deplorable situation. Below, in honor of Thanksgiving, is a seasonal song I wrote that the whole family can sing around the table as you celebrate Thanksgiving.

(Verses sung to the tune of "Here Comes Peter Cottontail")

Here comes Thomas Turkeybutt,
Just got back from Pizza Hut,
Slurpin' the slop,
Thanksgiving's on its way.

Stuffed with bread and turkey guts,
Baked so black you'll say, "Oh putz",
Slurpin' the slop,
Thanksgiving's on its way.

(Chorus sung to the tune of the chorus of "Santa Clause is Coming to Town")

Oh he knows when you're a piggy,
He knows you won't eat leeks,
He hears you when you lift a leg,
And blow it out your cheeks!

(Verses sung to the tune of "Here Comes Peter Cottontail")

Oh... His stinking carcass made the cut,
He's Grade A except his butt,
Slurpin' the Slop,
Thanksgiving's on its way.

Cholesterol is all the rage,
You'll drop dead at a tender age,
Slurpin' the slop,
Thanksgiving's on its way!

(Chorus sung to the tune of the chorus of "Santa Clause is Coming to Town")

Oh he knows when you're a piggy,
He knows you won't eat leeks,
He hears you when you lift a leg,
And blow it out your cheeks!

11-21: The Origin of Species page in the Marathon department got a face lift. New to that page are dynamic pages displaying the graphics there, they are produced ad hoc by JavaScript in a feat of mind boggling science that I won't try to load you down with. Also for your amusement is a pithy comment to accompany each graphic.

11-20: Another High School Art masterpiece has been added to the line up on the Art Portfolio section of the Hobbies department. This one is a tribute to the purplish/black flattened buttock, the staple of skateboarders the world over. That golden moment when pie kisses concrete: a time to reflect on life's mysteries, to squirt a drop of saline, or to invent a brand new cuss word.

11-19: More JavaScript in more Marathon. This time the popup windows are in the Related Humor department of the Marathon page. Just look for the link on the left and follow the links marked "new". While working on this page I remembered an old sight gag I am going to have to look up and add to the Related Humor. Where'd I put that?

11-16: Gosh, I sure wish real life had a "save game" key. That way I could restore from a previous save after I realized I screwed up. I could go on a real life Deus Ex style rampage: hacking all the ATMs, bypassing security keypads, looting corporate R&D laboratories, and shooting everybody in the butt with a trank dart then if I'm shot dead and suddenly wind up in Hell... I just hit my "restore saved game" key and try something else... like going to church and leading a productive existence. eek. Seeing my future, I am attempting to be productive by adding a JavaScript display for the Marathon Poster in the Marathon department. Just click on the Hell Hole V1.5 link on the left.

11-15: To prove that Deus Ex is not ruling my life I bathed today. Take that you critics! As final proof that I can put the game down any time I want, I put year 48 on the Photo Album page in the Extra department. See? I'm mature enough to take time away from the game to not only do something productive, but to take the time to do it properly and to finish the

11-14: Taking a brief break from not playing Deus Ex, I have upgraded the Battle Cat's Marathon Cool Fashion Tips Guide Book graphics over in the Marathon section to be JavaScript savvy, follow the link and click on the Hell Hole V1.2 link on the left. They are at the bottom of the page. Erkki's guide illustrations still crack me up and I put those up over a year ago. Timeless humor from a talented cartoonist.

11-13: I'm not playing Deus Ex, don't think I'm blowing off my web page to play a computer game called Deus Ex. I wouldn't do that to you folks especially after all the damn toys you slackers sent me for Veterans Day.

11-12: Well yesterday was Veterans Day and nobody gave me a toy. People, you are supposed to give a veteran a toy on Veterans day. Despite the fact, I still have something for you guys... you ingrates... a High School Art graphic was just added to the Art Portfolio Page in the Hobbies department. Look for Surfer 10 at the top of the page... and next time I'm not saving your ungrateful civilian butts from communism.

11-9: Charlton Heston and Wayne LaPierre pool their talents today for a special message on the NRA page concerning the September 11 atrocity.

11-8: I found a bug in the HTML that displays the art on all the Art Portfolio pages. All the pages that had the red color bar down the left side displayed incorrectly if the priceless work of art was too wide. Rather than expand to fit, the color bar was not only touched, it was squashed flat into a thin line. No more. The same goes for the Photo Album page. Fixed fixed fixed.

11-7: The Armed Citizen feature in the NRA section of the Extra department is updated today with more newspaper articles showing how folks just like you and I save lives and protect the welfare of others with the legal and constitutionally encouraged use of firearms.

11-6: I am proud, gratified and very grateful to announce today that Gary's House of Wacks has exceeded 100,000 visitors. That is over 585,000 hits with an average of 240 visitors a day! Now if this were a commercial site those particular bits of news would be disastrous considering the age of this site, but it's not, this is just someone's stupid personal web page. That makes it amazing to me. Thanks to all my visitors for your patronage and I plan to keep things fun and interesting at Gary's House of Wacks for a long time. Keep checking back! By the way, I fixed the Joke of the Weak page so that you don't have to use JavaScript to link to the jokes from other months. Look for those links under the buttons on the left of that page.

11-5: The High School Art page in the Art Portfolio section of the Hobbies department is now ready for viewing! If you have visited the Art Portfolio section before they became JavaScripted, there are new and amusing comments created for each graphic displayed.

11-2: The Adolescent Art page is next up to be modernized. Be there or be philistine.

11-1: Once again the Art Portfolio section in the Hobbies department gets an update with the addition of JavaScript pop up windows to display art with on the College Art page. Very fancy wrapping for such pathetic doo doo, don't you think?


As usual, the Joke of the Weak is updated every weekday by 8AM PST and the SETI page is updated every Monday. The NRA pages President's Column, Standing Guard and Armed Citizen are updated each month.

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