Gary L. Simmons  rev 09/30/2000
Home Marathon Joke OT Weak Web Building Resumé Lynx Hobbies Extra Site Map Marathon Site Map Go to next department

Back to the news archives
Back to the home page

Archived News for the Month of September 2000

New this Week:

9-30: Ouch! 2 years in 11 days. In my photo album I'm aging almost as fast as a spam and mayo sandwich in a hot locker... which is what I feel like anymore these days. Yes, I am one hell of a hot locker. OK OK OK I'm the rotting spam, but you claw your way up through 52 years of hardship, pestilence and abuse and see if you feel any better! Anyway, I got off track. Go to the Photo Album page in the Extra department and see me still delighting, at the tender age of 38, in feeding the animals.

9-29: So guys, what are your preferences? Do you prefer to gather up your flimsy lace garments and swish into a room singing Japanese opera in a high piping falsetto or do you prefer to gather up your high power armaments, smash open the titanium hatch and blast horrified alien slavers to a Dantean Hell? [Vote First Preference ... Vote Second Preference] Wow, the poll says 50-50... gosh... where do I go from here? I really expected something, er, a little more skewed in one direction guys. Well, while I digest that bit of info, you folks go over to the Marathon page, click on the Anvil Tips link and check out Hamish Sanderson's new tutorial on "Hacking the Infinity Preferences Dialogs". Criminy.

9-28: HEADS UP! ::SPLOK!:: Oops... sorry. Here, let me pry my golf ball out of your eye socket. ::POP:: Oops sorry, that was your real eye!! ::POP:: There, I got my golf ball back, ummmm, here's your "good" eyeball back dewwwd. Reach to the right, farther, now forward... a little more... to the right... now grab. There you go, now off with you to the ER, we'll wait for you............. no we won't, he's gone, now the rest of us can go see how Hamish Sanderson has learned to alter all aspects of the Heads Up Display in Marathon. This is some good stuff, take the Marathon link, click on Anvil Tips and check out the HAS tutorials.

9-27: Marathon buffs, have you ever wanted to mess with the graphics of the main menu controls but were afraid an alarm would go off at Bungie Headquarters and they would send Guido over to knuckle your nose around to the other side of your head? No?? Is that just me then? Dang. Then just who the hell was that guy a moment ago... hunh. OK, well... that explains why he kept mentioning his sister. You guys go on over to the Marathon page and click on the Anvil Tips and HAS tutorial links, he will tell you how to modify your main menu controls. I'm going to go get some ice for my nose.

9-26: Surf's up! There is another cheesy stinking surfer picture available for download from the Art page over in the Hobbies section. Look at the bottom of the High School download links. This thing was pretty badly yellowed and water damaged, big spots and streaks of mold too. You gotta love Photoshop, it cleaned a lot of this up. I left portions of the subject matter yellowed because I thought I was an interesting color and added weight to the graphic but I completely cleaned up the background. See for yourself how surfing is still sucking up my time even after 35 years.

9-25: Hey when Hamish Sanderson kicks your butt for messing up one of his tutorials, the bruises are shaped just like big black Marathon icons! Thank you sir, may I have another? Hamish has given me some valuable feedback on the EditNotes V4 tutorials I have been transcribing into HTML and there are lots of corrections in place today. The HAS tutorials are a little easer to navigate too and to top it all off there is another new tutorial, "Using Nonstandard Colors in Standard Collections". You anvil wonks will appreciate the insights given here. Just click on the Marathon link, then the Anvil Tips link and wonk away.

9-24: Jane Davison sent me a funny story about Texas chili contest judges called, "Reports From a Texas Chili Cookoff". This was too good not to share and as it is soooo very typical of chili pepper humor I have given it a place on the Chili Pepper page of the Hobbies section rather than to chuck it into the Joke of the Weak where it will be banished to the archive in a week. The chili cookoff humor is right after the short recipe of Serranos in Lime Juice. Enjoy!

9-23: Hamish Sanderson has his image to live up to, and Marathon has it's images file to live up to. I think they are both doing a damn fine job. In todays tutorial HAS explains the inner workings of the Images file and how to tweak them mercilessly. In retaliation the Images file explains the inner workings of Hamish and how to tweak THEM mercilessly. Special attention is given to his duodenum (gad, I hope that's his duodenum!), pleura, and other miscellaneous viscera. Much time is spent clearing up the confusion often associated with comparing just any old bag of guts to a fine plate of haggis. You don't want to miss this one, so off with you to the Marathon page and click on the Anvil Tips link.

9-22: A visitor to the NRA page sent me a news clipping for the Armed Citizen feature. Actually he sent me two, one of an incident that he personally witnessed and another that he found while searching for the write up of the incident in an online "newspaper". In both cases it demonstrates that innocent lives are saved by having a law abiding, responsible and armed citizen present. Thanks to Cliff Jones for sending these in, you can read these accounts at the bottom of the Armed Citizen page.

9-21: If you fly into a seething purple rage when you see me announce an Anvil tutorial then you had better have Nurse Ratchet strap you to a table and start the thorazine pump cause there is going to be a boat load of tutorials/essays going live in the next few weeks. Yes, Hamish Sanderson has more of these things than Carter has little pill bugs in his garden. Today he writes about sounds in Marathon. This is some good stuff, go to the Marathon page and click on the Anvil Tips link and see for yourself!

9-20: What have I wrought upon the world? Hopefully I won't live to regret this (maybe I should go play in traffic), but I have started an Anvil Tips section over on the Marathon Page. The Anvil Tips pages will contain tutorials on how to master Forge's evil twin... Anvil. Many believe that Anvil was the result of a teleporter accident involving Forge during an intense ion storm. Regardless it seems to drive people mad, and as a case in point, check out the first installment of Anvil tutorials by none other than the master himself, Hamish Sanderson. This boy is just warming up, there is much much more in the pipes, check back often and see what is new.

9-19: Yikes! My photo album just made me age another year. I wish I could say that I was older but wiser but I don't think all the gray hair, wrinkly skin and liver spots is ever going to make me any wiser. Maybe ear hair is supposed to do that. I am still waiting for my ear hair to come in, so I still have hope. Anyway, go see how much my adoring wife respects my august dignity on the Photo Album page and check out year 37.

9-18: Jason Harper has corrected a few minor items in his "Pedestal Problem" and "Texture Flexing" tutorials. You can see these corrections in the editors note at the bottom of each page. To quote Jason's reaction to seeing his tutorials up in lights, "Looking good!" You can view these and other masterful Forge tutorials on the Marathon page, just click on the Forge Tips link.

9-17: Way back in February or so, I submitted a Marathon screen shot to MacAddict's "Screen Shot of the Month" feature. It made it as the April Screen Shot of the Month! All hail Marathon! Never one to miss a chance to blow my own horn, (some of us are "endowed" that way) I have scanned the article out of MacAddict and have made it available for your adoring eyes to peruse over and over and over again. Print it out, tape it to your refrigerator, pin it to your cubicle wall, tell people you know me. Go ahead, I won't them you are just another groupie. The MacAddict article is on the Hell Hole V1.3 page in the Marathon section.

9-16: A new section has been added to the NRA page, it is called the Special Events page. This page is meant to provide a place for news of special events, topical news or other bits of temporary information that will interest a firearm owner. It seems now that our evil repressive government is trying to keep the body heat seeking atomic exploding anthrax bullet out of civilian hands!! OK OK just kidding. I bet that is what some of you think about this stuff though.

9-15: Just when you managed to clean the last of the blood out of your eyes from reading Michel Friedman's bird mouth chili recipes another punishing chili article, this time by Jethro Kloss, has been published on the Chili Pepper page. For those of you not experienced it would help if you submerged your computer monitor in North Sea ice water while reading this, you mangy old unkempt chili heads out there can suck on a lit charcoal briquette while reading. Although this article recommends you eat chilies regularly, he also has them in herbal concoctions that have you rubbing this stuff all over your pristine little body. Aie chi wawa!

9-14: Here is the last of the Jason Harper Forge tutorials. At least the last that I could find. If you know of any I missed then let me know. If you have any tutorials of your own that you want to share with the Marathon community then I would be happy to host them. For now, go to the Marathon page and click on the Forge Tips link and look for the Level Detector tutorial. This will let your map be aware of the difficulty level that the user is playing on. On a more topical note, I'm a rational person and I am not one to ratchet up the tension between Republicans and Democrats with a crate of subliminal messages but, drat, from cratch to casket those beaurocratic brats berate the Conservatives, prattling on that they want to poison the air and water and KILL old folks and nobody gets rattled. The use of "rat" is commensurate to the "crime".

9-13: You probably wonder where I've been. Well... I've been kidnapped by the Lynx page fans. This update comes to you from inside a steamer trunk under the steps in the basement that I have been locked up in until I produced a Lynx page update. Well, here is your damn Lynx page update now let me go to the bathroom. I have learned 2 things from all of this:
1) I don't like traveling in a gunny sack and
2) It's the polite ones you gotta watch out for.

9-5: You should have seen all the extra-super-polite emails I got from the flayed- alive- yet- still- offering- another- patch- of- butt- skin Lynx page fans. Here is your treasured Lynx page update you guys ::handing it out but yanking it back as they reach for it:: HAHAHA! Hey look at that dull feral look on their faces HAHAHAHA HAAAAA HAHAHA!! You Lynx page fans... what a bunch of maroons!! What I really have today is another fine Jason Harper tutorial on providing counters. Go to the Marathon page and click on the Forge Tips link.

9-4: Upon receiving a new barrage of very polite email from the Lynx page fans after my dirty trick yesterday I decided these guys deserve a second look... hmmm, OK, they still look like dorks! Much more interesting than a bunch of dorks is another NRA page update. Today the "Armed Citizen" page has been updated. These people, just like Rosie O'Donnell, have decided to protect their families with firearms. Read about it in these actual newspaper accounts.

9-3: Hahaha, man alive those rabbid Lynx page fans got hopping mad at that last jab I gave them and since their emails have evolved into polite yet angry demands I will finally relent. So here for your Lynx page enjoyment is... ANOTHER NRA PAGE UPDATE!! This is Wayne LaPierre's column, "Standing Guard", on the further abuses of government. Darn that government anyway, but unlike them, absolute power only corruped me where it comes to those Lynx page moaxes. ::poking Lynx page fans with a stick::

9-2: Those Lynx page fans sure are good sports. They have been e-mailing me all week too with the kindest words and gentle encouragement and you know, it really is about time I give in and spruce up their favorite page... NOT! Boy, I wish I could see the looks on their faces. Hehehe, instead, I have the new updated "Presidents Column" ready to go on the NRA page. You Lynx lummoxes should start packing some serious heat like the NRA page, maybe you could get similar results.

9-1: I done gots a new month ta trash. The patient and concerned Lynx page fans have finally talked me into improving their favorite page. So, I would like to announce... wait, this just in... "FLASH, yet another Jason Harper tutorial is up in the Forge Tips page of the Marathon section" ::pushing the Lynx page fans in the face backwards out the door:: So Marathoners, rush right over to the Forge Tips section and check the Multiple Message Terminal tutorial..

As usual, the SETI page is updated every Monday and the Joke of the Weak is updated every weekday by 8AM PST. The NRA pages President's Corner, Standing Guard and Armed Citizen are updated each month.
Top of Page
Back to the news archives
Back to the home page