Gary L. Simmons  rev 11/30/2000
Home Marathon Joke OT Weak Web Building Resumé Lynx Hobbies Extra Site Map Marathon Site Map Go to next department

Back to the news archives
Back to the home page

Archived News for the Month of November 2000

New this Week:

11-28: For what it's worth, Quartz has revised his worthy tutorial on "What is a Hit Point Worth?" to version 1.01. This is worth checking out as the changes are worthwhile. Hey if you say "worth" enough times it sounds stewpid. worth worth worth worth worth worth worth. ah haa HAAA haa haa... WORTH WORTH WORTH WORTH WORTH WORTH WORTH... oh... sorry. I also find my belly button endlessly amusing. It's an innie so I can make it talk and everything is that cool or what? Before I start describing all the parts of my body that talk those that wish to can avoid this "tour de farts" by going to the Marathon page, clicking on the Anvil Tips link and navagating to Quartz' tutorial. Bye. K guys, lick your palm and put it behind your knee...

11-18: I sure wish iDisk would let me FTP my stuff, as it is I have to manually drag files to a folder. I am spoiled by automation, I am a child of software. The work load on my wrist and pinky is staggering. Let me tell you, when I get my hot young trophy bride she will be right here beside me pressing her firm breasts into my side while mopping my sweaty brow with her underpants, boy oh boy, yes sir, uh huh. None of this, "Are you still on the computer??" shrieked like a fishwife from the kitchen. Boy that old bat I'm married to now will be sorry she was alla time so mean to me. Criminy, she's gonna be 50 next week!! Can you spell "prune"? I knew you could. Anyway, Claude Errera has a handy "Marathon Installers" tutorial up now in the Anvil Tips department of the Marathon section, but then, you knew I was building up to that right?

11-17: I scarf, therefore I yam. Scarfing more room and juggling iDisk files like a crazed circus midget I have elbowed enough room for Mark Levin's Physics Model Reference. Mark is our newest Anvil Tips tutor, or is that tooter? I forget. Help me out, click here for "tutor" and here for "tooter" and I will poll you guys...

OK the results are in, tooter it is! Mark Levin is our newest Anvil Tips Tooter. Go watch him toot in his Physics Model Reference tootorial in the Anvil Tips section of the Marathon department.

11-16: I scarfed some room by sending some graphics to my iDisk but there still is not much room to be had here at the House of Wacks. Beating my tiny fists on the big hairy chest of Earthlink doesn't seem to be having any effect. I did manage to start a new section for Quartz in the Anvil Tips page of the Marathon department.

11-9: I have run out of web site disk space room in my EarthLink account. I still plan to add some more tutorials to the Anvil Tips and Forge Tips sections but all else is on hold until I can wrestle some more disk space out of EarthLink. Sorry bout that. For now please be advised that if you down loaded Hell Hole V1.5 from this web site before 11/06/2000, you have the WRONG version. The correct version should include the "Bastard Child" map and the readme should have the "How to look Marathon Cool and Combat Fresh" fashion tips. You cannot view any Hell Hole V1.5 films on this website unless you redownload the correct version now available here on the Hell Hole V1.5 page.

11-8: Back from a whirlwind Paris tour, the vogue ingenue fashion design artist Erkki Toukolehto has the latest and hottest French fashions to share with you. Lucky for us Marathon fans, gristle, gore, spew and bloody carnage is all the rage this year. Erkki's fashion brush has captured the look for you to take to the prom, a Hollywood event, the policeman's ball or even just grocery shopping if you are a fashion plate in search of lots and lots of liver and tripe and vein packed beef tongue. This bold look was pioneered by the Battle Cat's "How to Look Combat Fresh and Marathon-Cool" fashion tips. Page 4 of the graphical guide book for these tips is ready for viewing on the Hell Hole V1.2 page in the Marathon Section.

11-7: HEY! What are you doing hanging around here? Go VOTE!!

11-6: A new Armed Citizen column is up on the NRA page. See for yourself how just brandishing a firearm can run off criminals that break into your home. Al Gore doesn't want you to be able to use a firearm to protect yourself in your home. The official position of the Clinton-Gore Department of Justice in a letter dated this August is as follows: "The Second Amendment does not extend an individual right to keep and bear arms.", Criminals rejoice at news like this, it makes their lives a LOT easier if their victims are unarmed.

11-5: zzz zzzzz zzzzzzzz

11-4: The last of the Color Clippings tutorial in the Anvil Tits department of the Marathon section is completed today. HAS pontificates on Photoshop and Anvil. At one point Hamish writes, "ClarisWorks is cheese". If you are reading this and you hear a wet sounding "splot" come from the back of your monitor, look around behind it to see if there is a little piece of gray gelatinous material in a small puddle of red fluid. If so, please be careful, this is a piece of Hamishes brain and he'll be needing it back. Many have emailed me reporting this exact situation. Please, do not panic, just scoop it up and put it into a baggie, put the baggie on ice and mail it to Hamish Sanderson c/o Lieutenant Commander Montgomery Scott / Star Fleet command / 7347 Hootmon St / Glass Cow, Scotland. Better mail it to the year 2314 just to be safe.

11-3: Charlton Heston is no-nonsense, practical sort of a man. The choice of who to vote for is obvious to him and as the President of the NRA it should be obvious to you who he would recommend. I agree with him, but then I am a law abiding firearm owner and shooting enthusiast and my Second Amendment right to keep and bear arms has been unjustly under attack for the last 8 years. This is not just about guns, this is about basic American freedoms and guess what? You're next! Don't let government bureaucrats micro manage your life. Vote carefully and thoughtfully this Election Day.

11-2: All I can say is poor HAS. The guy walks around with his recently exploded head all wrapped up in ace bandages, blood spotted where the surgical staples are implanted and still people chuck Marathon CLUTs at him like they were atomic cream pies and he was a Soviet Soupy Sales. People please! Hamish needs his rest but because of all our questions his sleep is fitful at best. His live-in home care nurse tells me that he grinds his teats in his sleep and wakes up all sweaty and sticky with filth every morning. This is our fault, we should leave him alone... other than poking him with a stick every now and then to see if he is dead. If you promise to be quiet and not ask fool questions you can go to the Marathon section and click on the Anvil Tips link. Hamish talks about CLUT editing at the bottom of the Color Clippings tutorial.

11-1: New month! First up, because of the closeness and urgency of Election Day, is Wayne LaPierre's column "Standing Guard". In LaPierre's words, "For all who cherish the Second Amendment and our unique freedom, Novermber 7 brings us to the most important election in our lifetime." Read his powerful words at the NRA page.

As usual, the SETI page is updated every Monday and the Joke of the Weak is updated every weekday by 8AM PST. The NRA pages President's Corner, Standing Guard and Armed Citizen are updated each month.
Top of Page
Back to the news archives
Back to the home page