Gary L. Simmons  rev 05/31/2000
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Archived News for the Month of May 2000

New this Week:

5:31: Shark week continues with this horrifing look at the demon of the 7 seas, the hated Frizbee shark. Don't stand too close to the tank, if I have to clean your nose smudge off the side I'll feed you to the dang shark! Bring your windex and soft cloths to the Adolescent Art section and see what all the fuss is about.

5-30: Rung deux in the dizzying descent into the black heart of a 14 year old's preoccupation with sharks is now available for viewing... if you dare! Strap some bleeding bait to your swim suit and swim on over to the Adolescent Art section.

5-29: There is another graphic in the Adolescent Art section. SHARK! Dare to enter the dark and morbid mind of a 14 yr old boy. Shudder as you witness the awful carnage of the fear inspiring Bone Sucking shark!

5-27: Two new scans are up on the Art Page. Look at the end of the High School Art section. I removed the yellow in the belly boarder pic but left all the yellow in the SurfGoodies "shingle" so you can get an idea of how young all you punks are. Even the ink has faded, it was a deep solid blue but now it is just mottled and transparent. At least the pencil carbon is still the same. That will come in handy when the archaeologists date my drawings... why here's an archaeologist now!

5-26: A couple more pictures have been added to my Photo Album. Find out the terrible "truth" of why years 28 and 29 are missing from the album! Does this tie in with the SETI page? Does this help explain the X-crement Files? Quick! To the Bat Cave via the Bat Poles!

5-25: OK, all my downloads, photos and artwork are on my online Apple iDisk, I not only have 2 megs reclaimed on my EarthLink disk space, I have 18 more megs to fill up on my iDisk. Ahhh Steempy, thees ez th' life! Look forward to lots of new content in the year to come. To celebrate, I have added a new section to my Art Portfolio, my prestidious Contemporary Art section. Louvre here I come!

5-24: Because I had approached the 6 Meg limit on the web space here I have had to temporarily stop production on this web site. Now however I have upgraded my system software to OS9 and consequently I now have access to the 20 meg iDisk offers to OS9 users. Now I will be able to store graphics and other bulky items on my iDisk and continue adding to this web site on a regular basis. Thanks to both Earthlink and Apple for this opportunity to spew my guts on the Internet! Look for lots of new graphics, downloads and features in the months to come.

5-15: I have just gone over 2,000 hours of CPU time helping out at the SETI@home project. Let me see, that is approximately 7,200,000,000,000,000 mathematical operations! See the computional carnage yourself on my SETI page.

5-14: The Official Marathon Cheat Codes have been added to the Hell Hole V1.1 page. These cheat codes will work the same in all 3 Versions of Marathon. Also on the Hell Hole V1.2 page you can now find fashion tips that will help you to ace that next job interview, wow your next date or impress the hell out of your friends during your next net game.

5-13: A cool new graphic has been added to the World Tour NetPak page. This NetPak has been upgraded to version 1.1 and you will find it nowhere but here! A few bugs were patched but most important, you can now play most of the net levels solo against rocket shooting NetBOBs. If you have Marathon, you will want this map.

5-12: The purile plague of pee yew is again spewing from the bowels of hell. You'll really want to swab the poop deck after viewing the next Marathon film in the X-crement Files series. The new film is #20, number 2 times 10... coincidence or CONSPIRACY!?! See for yourself how dying a bitter, painful, lonely death can get even worse.

5-11: There are three new films for the Weird Science page. We now have films showing what happens when your twitching corpse get squished into the cracks of a split poly, an interesting weapons glitch and a film detailing the phenomena of multiple monster shots from a platform. If you have Marathon then you will want to check it out. If you don't have Marathon you have no excuses, go get it, then check back here. I'll wait.

5-5: Happy Cinco de Mayo! Today is the traditional day steeped in tradition where where all of Mexico traditionally remembers those of them who went before them and celebrates their forefathers beer drinking with... MORE beer drinking. I'm pretty sure this is what happened, Pancho Villa (or someone) kicked that guy in the bee costume (or someone) out of Machu Picchu (or somewhere) then got drunk. Anyway who cares, that doesn't matter, what matters is that you go out and buy yourself a case of Cervesa and drink yourself blind. Remember to limit your driver to only a six pack. You youngsters have it easy these days, many of the people in your parents time died from swallowing pop tops!

5-1: According to SETI, I have done more work than 95% of the users helping out! See the stunning results on my SETI page. May welcomes a new month into the Joke of the Weak, lets hope the humor there this month is kinder and gentler... NOT!!

As usual, the SETI page is updated every Monday and the Joke of the Weak is updated every weekday by 8AM PST. You will want to bookmark that page.
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